Something emerged from the darkness And I, realised It was -I
A nascent rendering Hitherto un-ventured, Terrain Smelling fresh like Wet grass Kissed by yesterday’s Dew from Her - secret adventures
The Earth comes alive she comes a-Light at Night I watch the Mud quiver at the touch of- Heaven’s Rain The Earth opens up for Sky to enter Her, Inner domains
I smell the Wet rain on my lips as they open apart Ever so slightly and my eyes close to the overwhelming sensation that engulfs me, of naked embrace By that which is Beyond, material interface
I reach the edges of the periphery And the peripheries of the edges of my, sensory awareness I feel the corners of you and where my curves and crevices brush against you, and all that You are, and It feels; Like a painter’s stroke on blank canvas- Art on bare skin The white fills slowly in hues of blush pink
And I am at once and ever so softly, a rush of cataclysm and epiphany, As wave upon wave of rapture washes over me Each one a baptism of ecstasy
I do not know what the feeling is when I feel this but I do know when I do You are near
and this
Beating heart enclosed in pounding flesh reaches out from its illusory mesh And finds itself out as not one with itself but with all that is
I heard a voice from deep within the belly of the mountains say, “I love you”, A woman’s voice, over and over again.
Pristine truth piercing through, long nights and dark days Lightning birthing through the eye, of the storm of a mind ablaze
An old reprieve, seeping through, cracks in the walls of a hunted heart Clouds of haze torn asunder, by a single thought in stark contrast, The burning of a mind aflame put to pause, By that voice …
I love you, I heard her say Echoing through the stone walls Bellowing through the ghosted halls Of my haunted heart.
I love you, growing louder now, From whisper to resounding wail
I love you From cradle to grave I love you! Hey! It’s okay.
I can’t promise I know the end In a broken world I’ll be your friend As you walk through the fire, I’ll hold your hand
Through every end we cannot mend Past blind curves and dead ends that teach us how far we can bend I promise, I’m here to stay
I don’t feel, you Understand me You can’t bear To see me
You try to rescue me But I’ve been rescued From living a life That’s ordinary
I see in colours You dream of I live in filters You attempt to reach
I do not mean to say You are ordinary You can’t see What I see You were never ordinary To me
You like me When I’m like you You find it hard to When I’m let loose You’d rather I be like you too
Why can’t I see What I’m throwing behind A chance at the regular A seat at the table You made with your hands And worked all your life on
How dare I usurp it - Your royal throne With mere words from my mouth My every no a rebellion Against your decree to comply My every hesitation an affirmation That I see through the lies
You tell yourself And try to sell to me too I don’t buy it I know you want me to
I’m afraid I can’t I wasn’t made to I’d break if I tried to And believe me I’ve tried The proof is the degree I’ve broken to God knows I’ve tried To be just like you To be liked by you God knows I’ve tried And been denied
But I want to walk this Perilous path before me And not be afraid Of the highs and lows that approach me It’s a tall demand To let them flow through me Life asks me to be a river That flows free
I want to hold on To one branch or the other A lover or mother A friend or father
I eventually Let go
I can’t you see I have to be free It’s against my nature To be tied to a decree However sweet or spicy You make it out to be
I bend and I break And I break what no longer serves me I move through the haze I make love to the pain I’m not regular And that’s okay I must be okay With me
It feels good to be unheard.. Alone & unobserved, Except by me and my chirping birds They wake me up in the mornings From my bone deep slumber
My breasts rise and fall Slowly and deeply, with every breath, I notice now, How I ebb and flow- An ocean of my own ; One with the current and pulse of the cosmos
I stop to catch myself in the mirror I look upon my features How they bend and turn Sharp edges and slow curves, So a lovers tongue, may rise and fall- A fractal of my own ; One with the make and design of the cosmos
It feels good to feel myself I notice now How I move and step A rhythm of my own ; Heart beating to the heart beat of the cosmos
It feels good to be alone I can feel now, all the colours of the spectrum I see now, deeper depths than before I can taste in my mouth now- honey and lemon and Salt and cinnamon I hear now- The music in my ears from the music of the spheres I touch now, mySelf- In my hips there builds a rising crescendo- A being of my own ; One with the bliss and abyss of the cosmos
I have been a flower Blooming every spring and dying every winter, Shedding in the autumn and singing in the summer - I was going through the motions Unmindful of the seasons Passing by without a pause to spot myself in my garden and admire all my flaws (flowers!),
It feels good to be alone, it’s when I’m most together - All the parts of me feel whole, when we hold each other- The garden and the gardener, separated no more. A creation of my own; One with the cosmos.
We get angry and think we are being masculine Until one day we are angry beyond our wildest dreams and wrath rings out of us in songs of fury And we feel, like a woman, screaming her lungs out from deep in her belly …
We cry and think we are being feminine Until one day we cry out our deepest fears and darkest crimes and fall to our knees, weak And we feel, like a man when we accept defeat, stepping up and owning up to all that is, the way it is, even for all that we feel …
I have been in and out of these roles and phases Morphing and flitting between these extremes Slipping and sliding from one end to the other Until there is no difference, Until, at the very depths of one, i become, the Other
For a man lives in a woman And a woman in a man Waiting to be found, One within the other Waiting to be born, As One with each other
Verily I tell you, A man lives in every woman Within her very bones And a woman in every man Inside his very loins Waiting to unravel Waiting to release, the Force within that desires, To be unleashed
To the man in the woman And the woman in the man, May we always remember these, And to come together
May we always take pleasure In the cosmic romance May we always find each other And cherish every glance
May we never miss a chance, to meet in the middle As we continue to dance, the eternal trance ♥️
I remember once I took a picture of my freshly laundered underwear, lying on my red bed I thought it was cute cause the colours matched and they looked like art just lying there, doing nothing, being picturesque
It was art too but I couldn’t share it with you what if you didn’t see what I did and you thought it strange, or cuckoo? What if you thought they were, silly or dirty or I was mentally ill , and should be called an ‘exhibitionist’, I can hear you yelling, “Are you looking for cheap thrills?”
What if I showed you and it made me feel, ashamed?
Yes Shame. We feel it everyday, We’re ashamed, in our skin, and our bones and the hollowed out cavities we call our lungs, and our moans It’s the creepy crawly that’s hidden in the dark corners at home, Locked away, all alone to twist and contort, till we can’t ignore
And so I ran. Till I forgot all about it and it became, redundant. But it’s still so, relevant. I think it’s time I showed some, reverence.
What a Shame. I don’t want to hide (it) anymore.
I’ll let it out. Let it out and let it dance, a dirty dance on the floor Maybe wearing the underwear I photographed and couldn’t share, But no more, shame.! I’ll put it up here For those who can see into the depths of what we call- The human experience
All of it Not just the shiny parts that make you feel like you’re always on top of it But those ugly feelings that make you go all the way under it, deep inside it, all around and all over it
So we can make love to the demons (gods?) that watch over the wastelands of our treasure islands? -pure gold.
Yes I said it. I’ll wiggle in it - The shame. Till we become friends And we sit on the grass together Side by side Staring up at the same blue sky, and while we count stars and catch clouds we’ll make amends - For misunderstanding, each other, And all the quick hiding and name calling and blame gaming, and blackmailing and withdrawing …
I’ll look into your eyes And I won’t, look away I’ll look with love, deep, into my Shame, and yours
Till we can See And not be ashamed By who we are and who we’ve always been and are meant to be
Till we can See, God! I wanna see!, And not look away From seeing God, who we’ve kept hiding all along, When we hid the Shame.
Compassion – like the flowers blooming fresh from the cold earth after winter, every time, every spring 💚
I’m all for, passionate love In fact I’m a fan of all things Passion P with a capital R for the colour Red, It’s always, in fashion
Like my lipstick And me heart songs And my blood as it bleeds over when I feel love and all my scars open-from the expansion, caused by, passion.
But lately I have been feeling like Another kind of passion (person?)
A morning kiss and evening walk as we walk our dog in the park and watch the sunset kind of, passion
And I’ll do the dishes for you this whole week cause I can see you’re stressed kind of, passion
And I’ll, come back home and tell you how my day went and you can tell me too as we sink into each other and watch the world collapse on the telly kind of, passion
Yesterday’s pizza heated from the fridge seems warm enough for me when I’m deeply nestled in your quiet embrace. That kind of, passion…
I can do with some, (Com)passion.
Do you feel me? I’m all for passion in love But I wanna make it something more Something deeper, Are you with me? Like the trees have for the ground below and sky above and air around them-
Compassionate love, do you feel me?
I’m human, and I can’t be, perfect Not once, not anytime of any day, I refuse to be, or try to be, perfect I’m just not, I have a feeling we all just want,
Compassion.
If you’ve been looking long, then stop-looking for. And start, looking with- Compassion.
I once heard my Grandma say, It’s not black or white, it’s both, It’s the Middle way, It’s both sweet and sour, It’s the lost Holy grail - The art of, Compassion, the kind of passion that lasts forever, and a day.
I went to look for the store that sold chocolate ice cream I wanted it real bad I had never tasted it before and it was my hearts true yearning
I didn’t know where or when or how to find it But I went out looking for it Hoping to find you So you can show me where it is
And I did But you flat out refused to tell me where it is Said it would kill me That it would taste bad And was awful for my health
I burned my ties to you that day Burnt and buried you I liked you, but what can I do? What i really wanted was that chocolate ice cream You wouldn’t mean as much as it did to me anyway, any-day,
Baby,
I found another version of you Leaning on the bus stand Waiting for a bus to take you somewhere you promised you’d Never-land
You looked at me, smiling. Smirking? I’m not sure Told me that chocolate ice cream I’m looking for might be bad for my health But you pointed your finger East and said “That way”, anyway Showed me where it was since I wanted it so bad, anyway
On the way to the store , I was so excited I could barely contain my squeals (screams).
It took me way too long and cost me way too much to get there, But I never cared; What’s an empty pocket? A few more- Night scares, wet dreams and red beds, When I can get my hands on that ice cream ? - chocolate, like I said.
I found the store I was looking for, it was bright red And all the other colours hung out of it like a clown’s head You opened your mouth for me and I walked in, dead scared With a happy smile on my face cause I didn’t care.
Inside you handed me my first dose, my chocolate ice cream ! The drug I was looking for all along It was here, I could finally be rescued And set free.
Every time I ate it I relished it Ravaged it, devoured it , Drank it in, sucked it hard, kissed it, licked it till it was dripping wet. Pocketed it (for laters, cause what if I run out of it, I could never tell), Till I was sick of it It was making me sick! Every time I ate it I got sick I couldn’t stomach it! But I didn’t see it, I was in the thick of it. All I saw was the chocolate ice cream my daddy made me dream of at night in my childhood bed Oh dear me, I never stood a chance I was neck deep in it before I even knew it, Welcome to my secret dance, It all happens in my secret shed.
One day I was too sick Needed some fresh air Got out of the store To get some quick breaths Down my breasts To hush the beast in my chest cage and get a moment’s rest, With my hands on my knees and my back bent over Broken like an old woman on her, deathbed
Looked up at the sign board outside your store it read, “Nothing breeds here, you’ll rot here, once you’ve had your fill of our chocolate ice cream, you’ll never leave here, you’ll be left for dead”
Ugh what a journey should’ve read the signposts All the times you tried to sign post, me, I was hell deaf, love blinded, what a creep show.
It didn’t matter that I didn’t see it before I felt sick, I was sick From the inside out Had to puke some more Till I was crawling on the side walk, Cold dead floor Sprawled out on all fours; All out of chocolate ice cream, Finally I didn’t want anymore.
So thanks but no thanks I won’t be buying anymore Of your chocolate ice cream, poison! Daddy’s dead He was wrong to begin with No one’s home anymore That place don’t exist anymore
Goodbye You all deserve it Bunch of cheap shows Stay there rotting in your pit holes I’m headed out, heading out I’m out. Count me out, Of your flop-show.
Burning bridges once more . Never coming back to this side of the road anymore. Your place don’t exist anymore It’s in cinders I’ve burnt it down to the ground The ashes are sound ; I’ve made a bed for myself, I can lie on.
I’m safe and sound now No thanks to you I found my own now Freedom is mine I took the road less travelled, and I’m gone now You can’t find me no more
I was looking for a hook A nice red one Straight and then Curvy To hang my clothes on Strong and steady For I had quite a few clothes I wanted to try on Needed to be sure before I could put them on I wouldn’t even mind if you had more than one - Better for me, to try more of my clothes on
I was looking and looking Every where I could find A man with a familiar scent on, With those hooks I so badly wanted to hang my clothes on
Just to get a good look at them you see, Before I try them on me. I couldn’t see them clearly enough If only you could be the man of my dreams ; The one with all the hooks I need .
When I laid my eyes on you I readily knew There was only one thing about you I could put my finger on - Baby I knew From the moment I met you You were a man I could try my clothes on Oh, the hooks you had on you!
No wonder I found you so hard to resist The thought of finally getting a good look at myself, I mean my clothes, haha, (What a Freudian slip!) Was something I’d rather die than miss.
I had carried them on me for far too long On my back where I could never see, what they were up-to or where they belong I wanted to be weightless I wanted to be free If only you’d show me those hooks on you Where are they? Let me see!
I didn’t have to ask twice you were dying to All you wanted was for me to want you And though I did, want you too It was these damn hooks I was sinking my flesh into, not you.
First I thought I’d put my clothes on you Just to get a good look, remember? Hey, maybe they’d look good on you too!
I lay them on you and I was confused Cause suddenly, it got harder and harder to see you I’m sorry baby, I didn’t know they were so heavy, I couldn’t resist, My clothes, they were finally off of me I did, for a moment, Thanks to you, feel free.
But you didn’t, did you honey? You wanted me so deep You dug your heels in deep. Whoops. And you didn’t have to ask, I was dying to(o), Sink my skin into you, deep I think to this day it’s never felt so sweet
Till I got your hooks off of me And my clothes back too I’ll wear them forward from here I now know how to Thanks to you I got a good look, at me At the clothes and their true colours, Your hooks helped me see.
I don’t know what I was to you Some pretty colours to hide those awful hooks you had on you? It eventually took, my flesh and blood and bones too But I hope you got enough you needed of me To get those ugly hooks off you, And make some clothes for you too, So you’d finally be free.
I hope they hug you warm at night And help you sleep too, If you know what I mean.
I wonder Do the trees remember The pain of every lost leaf As autumn turns to winter and winter turns to spring I wonder Do they know how we feel As errors turn to lessons and lessons turn to grief, And the storm within us gives way to peace, They must know, as we do, with every new leaf, The sorrow that healing brings As we glue together new pieces For those we’ve lost to the wind
சொட்டும் ஒவ்வொரு மழைத்துளியிலும் உன் அருளை உணர்ந்தேன் மலரும் ஒவ்வொரு மின்மினிப்பூவிலும் மின்னும் மின்மினிப்பூச்சியிலும் படரும் செடியிலும் வளரும் கொடியிலும் ஓர் இரவு மடிந்து மறுநாள் பிறக்க தினமும் கண்ணாமூச்சியாடும் சந்திரனிலும் சூரியனிலும் என் நாடி துடிப்பிலும் நெற்றிப்புள்ளியிலும் கண்களிலிருந்து தேனாய்ச்சொட்டும் ஒவ்வொரு ஈரக்கண்ணீரிலும் என்னுள் வாழும் காட்டுநெருப்பின் இதயத்துடிப்பிலும் உன்னை கண்டேன் என்னை உன்னில் இழந்தேன் உண்மை உணர்ந்தேன் என்னை இழந்து என்னை உன்னில் கலந்து உன்னை அடைந்து பரவசம் கொண்டேன் இனி என்னில் என்றும் வாழும் உன்னில் என் லட்சியம் வென்றேன்.
And some days the music cuts too deep, it seeps out through my bones and makes my blood leak from my eyes and you call them tears but I know where they’re from, the darkness herself
And some days the eyes I see on the streets, each pair strikes a different chord of emotion in me, leaving me torn in a hurricane of wonder, about who you could be what you sound like and what your story smells and tastes like, what the secrets your skin hides are like
Your eyes they reveal what you try so hard to hide but I know where you’re from, the cosmos herself
And some days I can’t go to bed because, my thoughts are racing too fast for me to catch or control them and my body is drenched in sweat from the excitement of touching that transcendental beauty, slipping out of the stars and the cracks of my scars when I least expect it, catching me unaware, claiming me whole, the Kal himself
Some days I am found in rapturous ecstasy, only to wake up washed up on the shores of misery Of my own mind , Wiped and erased and washed and rewritten, Rinsed and warped and twisted and pulled, Stretched and dyed and tested and tried until; Her marvellous resilience renews my reluctance. I’ve grown to respect her. I’ve come to know her. She has been my best friend. She’s the only one that knows the full extent, Of my pain and joy. I have always been the doubting kind, But she has shown me what faith is like She has shown me I am safe inside That no matter what, I’m held inside,
That one day we’ll wake up, And my tears will have dried - We’ll be washed up on the shores of Paradise.
I like the sound of this rain
It muffles the voices in my head
The black and the white and the greys in between
The truth of who I am
And the scars of where I’ve been
It calms the storm in me
Brings out the tears, but
Keeps them from falling
Keeps them, hesitating
At the corners of my eyes
Like my words, hesitating
On the tip of my tongue
And the arches of my lips
They part , and close
With no words in the in between
I like the sound of this rain
It is almost like the lullaby I never had
When my mother put me to sleep
And the kisses I never got
When my lovers left me
And the goodbyes I never heard
When people disappeared
Out of the dark, into the depths
Where I know not how to follow
I like the sound of this rain
It blankets my fears
And comforts my soul
And even,
Draws kindness from my demons
And it feels good.
It feels fine.
If only,
Momentarily .
Roshini Suha Cath
I forgot the world I forgot, Myself Everything I thought I knew I forgot, You
I let go of fighting back I let go of holding back
I was that girl on the edge of the ocean I dipped my feet in every now and then I liked the way the water tasted on my bare feet I Liked it a little too much,
The ocean was calling me.. But I was holding on
To you, solid ground; Earth upon which my castles were built, Land upon which my purpose was willed; into life. But Life, had other plans for me.
And then there was Light.. Bursting across the horizon I lay afloat on the surface of the water Staring up into the vast expanse above me
The stars were smiling down on me; From above the sky was calling me Below me the Sea bellowed, her tendrils reaching out to me, Clawing at me.
My heart could not take it anymore It shattered into smithereens
The Universe revealed HerSelf to me, I was lost in her Sacred mystery A giant mirror Crashing into shards of glass that rained down on me
You were still calling for me !
Acid jazz hammering on in the background The notes fell heavy on the surface of my Soul Sliding through the pores to my very bones I imploded, cataclysmically
Stardust after all, I let go of it all.
I died, you see.. I really did. You may not believe me, But I truly did.
When I thought I had it all That’s when I lost it When I thought I’d lost it all That’s when I found it
And I don’t remember me, But now I roam Free. Part of the Earth and Sky and Sea, Now I Roam Free
My beast, he was, the only match for me The one I’m always warring with The one who declared war on me The very moment he laid eyes on me
He throws me into the battlefield And pits me against my insecurities Terrorises and paralyses me, With all that I vehemently refuse to see
He drags me by my hair into The Mirror’s room, the one that sees All the hidden parts of me And all my shallow inconsistencies
He pokes and stabs at all my wounds Makes them bleed afresh, anew Laughs as I discover the truth, It was I who licensed the wounding of me.
When his fingers encased my neck I discovered the hidden intent This cacophonous, beast of mine Was dying to be the Death of Me.
Daimon, oh Daimon of me I thought you came to rescue me You taught me to be truly free, Only I can rescue me
You died so I could conquer me Bullied me till I fought for me Unyielding in your desire for me You desired to possess the sum of me
Daimon, oh Daimon of me Who tasted every inch of me You put me in my own mouth, literally And that’s when I first tasted me
And when I did, I tasted ecstasy. I vowed, To own all that is me.
Daimon, oh Daimon of me You could never settle for less than the highest virtue of me Your gaze tore into the deepest parts of me, You made me, see, Me.
Daimon, oh Daimon of me Before you I was unbeknownst to me When I encountered you I first met me In finding you I forgot me When I prevailed you, I redeemed me: The exiled glory of the All of me.
You are the dream. You are the Oracle. You are the Roses Blue and the Pastures Green. You are the Prayer You are the Offering You are the Altar, and Everlasting nectar You are the River that never runs dry The Ocean and all the waves of the Sea The caged bird that was set free.
You are all that you can imagine and more You are love You are loved You are Wisdom personified You are the Creation You are the Creatrix You are the hymns of Heaven And the wet sighs of Earth You are the sacred space where your heart rests at peace Forever and ever and beyond It’s you my darling It’s all you You are the question You are the answer You are the portal The ultimate manifestation The greatest and worthiest of all divine destinations Master of all masters Temple of all temples Mother of all Gods God of all that you cannot and can see You You You! Are all that you need !
What glorious finding ! What phenomenal relief. Like the Moon, You have Bloomed. You have become, All that you seek . ❤️
I once was surprised to learn that there were flowers in such a colour
I once was surprised to learn that there could be dew drops in such shape and number
I once was surprised to discover your smile Hidden between and betwixt the twilight I never was the same again, ephemerally changed again, Initiated, On a path dark as night.
I once met a man who walked down the road With horns on his head and a ragged down soul He had claws for teeth, He clawed his way down Into my soul.
Alice in wonderland Alice in wodnerland Alice in wonderland Spinning around Deep under ground Deep under down Spinning around
Hearts shake, the Earth quakes Murder, and a blood red sky Thunder and lightning Terrifying, You’re terrifying You.
Stop. Don’t stop. Stop Me. Stop.
Don’t patronise me You paralyse me From the inside out
Yellow flowers , purple lovers Skies as blue as broken hearts. Ruined Towers, shattered Mirrors, Unfurling skeletons of all shapes and size.
You can’t un-see it Once you’ve seen it Wonderland’s secret side
The beast is awoken Will you slay the dragon? It’s the only way to the other side Lest you linger, lest you wander Lest you eat of the fruit on the way to the topside
Don’t linger longer It’s getting darker Down here in Neverland
Don’t look back on the way out of here Steady the trembling of your hand That’s the law of Neverland
I wish you courage I wish you strength I wish you breach the gates I wish you never forget to remember What we gleamed in the twilight shade The battles raged and wars wept The charms and spells And beasts and hells The treasure we retrieved from underworld’s end The sights, sounds, shapes and sizes.
I wish you never forget to remember the way back to Wonderland.
